This is only my second post. I don't even know if I'm doing all of this right. Nevertheless, I'm going to try...

I'm not sure if this is the right forum for this post. It is about inpatient hospitalization or, at the least, higher levels of care. But, it is more a vent over my frustrations where this is concerned.

I am aware that I need a higher level of care. I have an eating disorder among other things and know that I've reached a point where I really do require either residential or inpatient treatment. I know my body, I know my limitations, and I know that outpatient therapy with an excellent team is not nearly enough or appropriate for me at this time. That being said, I have no ability to receive such treatment. And, I'm floundering.

I've done treatment before. IOP's, PHP's, DBT programs, residential, and inpatient. I've done well in treatment, but only to a point. My last residential stay, 3.5 years ago, lasted 5 months and was the most effective. Since then, I've been in outpatient therapy. I was stable until a health crisis. After that, I relapsed hard. I am dealing with difficult issues in therapy and am working incredibly hard, but it is just not enough. I've become accustomed to bi-monthly trips to the ER and monthly admissions. I have health issues compromised by the ED. And, I have other issues which complicate the eating disorder. My medical team is ineffective and I am beginning the search elsewhere. My therapists are great and my dietitian is as well. But, I'm exhausted - physically, emotionally, and spiritually.

My insurance will not cover residential treatment for my ED or other issues. They will cover inpatient for 30 days, but I've been told a thousand times over that I'll be lucky to get 3-4 days of medical stabilization. There is only one inpatient facility for ED's in my state and they have turned me away because they solely look at numbers. Well, I may not be X size, but I am dealing with a chronic, severe eating disorder. They don't care that I'm fighting for my life; they see a number only. My insurance has refused single case agreements elsewhere. There is a residential/PHP/IOP facility here, but I have been through their programs and, while they're geared to those with eating disorders, they are not able to provide the care I need in terms of my other issues. And, I have had very bad experiences with that program. So, I'm lost. We have called the insurance companies and explained that they're paying more in hospitalization and ICU visits than they would for treatment, but they are non-responsive. I've had a nurse case manager for my insurance go to bat for me, my team, and multiple attempts on my part. I cannot afford to pay for private insurance (mine is provided through work) and if I could, I'd likely not have the medical benefits I have now. On that end, I am in good hands - it's the mental health benefits which are lacking. And, unfortunately, my insurance doesn't see the correlation between the two.

So, I am frustrated. I want help so badly. I'm doing the hard work already. But, I'm being stymied at every turn. I've completed scholarship applications for treatment, but so many people need help and I am overlooked every time. I feel hopeless, but will continue to fight. I just needed to share my experience and, I suppose, ask if anyone has any other suggestions or if your own experience could provide different options or, at the very least, support.