i dont remember a lot of times...

i hate my self a lot of times...

i feel bad for myself a lot of times...

i get scared...

some times i care a lot about myself though...
it just makes it feel worse when those feelings go away...
its not often i feel that way... and i can never remember what it feels like...

or what it feels like to be cared for...

to feel trust for someone...

i could go on...

feeling damaged so much, so different... from everyone else...
never being able to fit in... anywhere...
no wonder i feel so alone.... no wonder i keep pushing everyone away...

its like reliving the abuse everyday... so going through it never stops...