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I am concerned that I control his drinking and obsess about getting him to drink less because I just want him to be similar to me socially (wanting to leave after a couple hours, more reserved, completely in control and a little rigid) and basically I'm a huge introvert.
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I think that you are really hard on yourself. Wanting a partner to stop all of the unhealthy behaviors that you described is a perfectly reasonable desire. It would be a reasonable desire even if you were not socially anxious.