It seems like you have a lot of challenges that you are facing head on and are doing the right thing.
Does all your income go into your own account? (I would not put it into a joint account, rather I would make her the beneficiary on your account. Oh and right now, Chase is offering anywhere from $200 to $300 to open a new account with them. I earned $300 last month by moving my disability payment from one account to a new Chase account--If you don't already bank with them, that is easy money.) Have you taken her off your credit cards? (I realize she can have her own and this effects you but when I was unable to pay a $300,000.00 hospital bill, I was able to declare my own individual bankruptcy--by doing this, my H did not suffer as a result of my bad decisions--he has great credit. When you stop working, your lower income could be advantageous if a situation comes up where she needs to declare bankruptcy.)
I am sorry about your complicated sexual issues. It sounds like you are kind when you say no but do what is best for you? Listen to your gut as you navigate these "touchy" issues? I guess you are going to have to figure out what is going on in her head. I haven't always made this easy for my husband. I commend you for trying. <<hugs>>