Today I cried for the first time in months. I feel so much pain inside me but I don't show it. People assume I am OK and that I am not socializing because I am arrogant. The fact is that I don't socialize because I have very low self-esteem, and my social skills are very bad. Life is moving forward while I am standing still where I have been for years, if not moving backward. I do self-pity all the time, which is a very bad thing to do. I need more positive self-talk, but I simply cannot do that.