Wow, I did not expect this response. Thanks everyone! I've thought about al-anon but I really don't feel as though he is an alcoholic. He WAS, but I feel he is basically recovered, he drinks about as much as any other guy in our lives. This heavy drinking is socially acceptable where I live - the norm, even. And I don't mind when other people do it, I just freak out when he does. What's even worse than actually having to live out this situation and engage in these preventive, abusive behaviors is not knowing why. Sometimes I think I am just really evil and controlling . Or narcissistic. Idk if this is the OCD talking or actually true. When he drinks, I'm not overly concerned about health risks or danger befalling him because of it (he is usually still very responsible and this level of alcohol most of the time does not result in any signs of him being intoxicated). It's just the sheer amount of it that bothers me. And the social effects (Like him wanting to he extra social and stay out a long time at parties). It's like this obsessive desire to control this behavior. I wonder if this could just be a weird part of OCD? Idk. I want to stop, but still more importantly, I want him to stop. And I can sometimes be really mean because of it. I really want to be with him, but when he's out with friends drinking I sometimes question how much I want to be with him. It's also worth noting that I'm pretty codependent in our relationship. Maybe I am upset that he consistently chooses some level of alcohol over me. I just don't know how to change.