Dear T,

I have a lot planned for tomorrow's session.

First of all, I think we need to pause for a minute and take a look around. Assess the situation. I need to hear your opinion. What are we doing? Where are we going? Is there actually a point to all this?

I've been having some more periods of hopelessness recently. In-between the ecstasies of fantasising about you - when reality breaks through.

I could be stuck here forever. Paying you just to be in the same room as me once a week. Forever.

So. I need to know that you have hope. That you truly believe I'll 'work through' this, and come out the other side a better, happier human being. I need to hear you say it.

I guess I think you believe it, I guess you must do - but I need to hear it.

There are alternatives. Maybe you just want my money (not that likely, since I pay you so little, and less than others do)... Maybe you just enjoy basking in my admiration (though you've never seemed to enjoy it that much)... Maybe you're attached to me too, and so you don't want to send me away, even if I'm a hopeless case.

Maybe, despite all I've told you, you still don't understand how serious this is. How consumed I am by thinking of you. How painfully I need you.

Maybe you just remember telling me that you wouldn't leave me unless you died. Maybe that seems like a stupid thing to have promised now.

I'm looking forward to seeing you.

Luc xxx