I'm not trying to justify my NOT telling him, but there is no test for HPV in men. It's not like gonohhrea or other infections that may not show symptoms but still be testable conditions. I know this not only from my own research but also from talking to my doctor when I was going through this 8 mos ago. There is absolutely no way to know if my bf has it or not, or to know who I got it from. I talked to my doctor about whether to tell my bf or not, and he says that because it's not a health concern for him, it's really up to me if I feel comfortable doing so, for my own reasons. and now that i know that my ex-gf has it too, i know i either got it from her or that i got it before her and gave it to her (so logic follows that i did NOT get it from my current bf but that i did probably give it to him.) So there are no exes of his to potentially contact because it was me who gave it to him and he hasn't been with anyone since.

I already have so much shame and self-loathing with regard to sexual stuff-- this makes me feel even more disgusting, why i'm not sure. it took me almost a year of being with him to feel comfortable enough to tell him about my past experiences of sexual abuse, rape, a 5-year abusive relationship (also, the fact that i'm afraid that if i may have gotten the HPV from a past abuser, why it would matter if there's no way to tell anyway, i don't know. i guess it makes me feel more "damaged" than I already feel.). Talking about THIS (and how I think I gave it to him, and that I got it from oen of the above people that hurt me and that I ALLOWED to hurt me) is even harder. I already expect him to leave me over lesser "offenses", like if I say something "wrong" or act "needy" (That's more about my issues than him-- h'es never threatened to leave me or put me down...we've never even really been in a fight.) It's like I feel like my past issues have affected him so much already, with my flashbacks, nightmares, crying a lot, etc. This is now a tangible way that its affected him (i.e. gave him a DISEASE rather than just being annoying through excessive crying). How do you recommend I go about telling him?