As some of you are aware I have been suicidal and planning this for quite some time now.

I thought when it came to it I'd feel more relieved about it. But it's not that easy.

I know that it is wrong. I know it will upset people. I know people will think I am selfish.

I just can't get the thoughts out of my head. I don't have the energy to fight it.

I know that I should get help. That's probably why I'm writing this now. At the same time I can't bring myself to tell anyone who could help. I have lied constantly about this for ages.

I don't see that there is any hope for me anymore.