I dropped my 400mgs Wellbutrin SR (its the generic, 2x daily wellbutrin). I get disability. I go to a local public/community mental health clinic. Its OK, I guess. Not to get all Marxist, but these days I have my now "well-to-do" family supporting me, so I get the sense they don't get as rough with me as they do with some of the people/patients/"clients" ("recovery model" term, apparently).

Anyway...I dropped the Wellbutrin and actually felt better. Somehow, I felt both less jittery and less drugged, overall. Weird. I told the counselor, then I told the shrink. He offered to reduce the tranquilizer (Abilify, in my case...) and I Jumped at it. I'm now down to 20mgs per day from the 30mgs (I think that's usually the maximum) I had been taking for so long.

Now I feel...better. Again, not so drugged. Concentration is better. Mood is up a bit, nothing crazy. More agitation, but I"m also not as numb and flat. I guess there's a balancing act going on here?

I think I want to reduce the Abilify down to 10-15mgs and then start reducing trileptal. I needed more meds for a while there, now...I'm simmering down. I've also managed to grow up a good bit, at long last.

i very rarely take neurontin, but they always give me a prescription for it. STAY CALM, I guess.

The whole thing is....well, its like once you get down to it, the drugs at best make life more bear-able. I don't think the psych drugs really "treat mental illness" so much as they keep some of us from completely losing it (hopefully...). They also cause problems, clearly. I'm starting to think I may one day be off the drugs. Maybe a tranquilizer when needed, but hopefully not daily.

thing is...being a "mental patient" is a social role. Where I live, I'll always be considered "Schizophrenic." I guess this is part of my delayed growing up process...I think I'm going to have to figure out a way to grow up and probably move, if I can.