Hello whisperingskye: Well... I feel obligated to encourage you to reach out, in real life, for the help you need. But I also understand what you're saying. I also have no interest in reaching out for help. When it comes right down to it, I don't really believe it's out there. And besides the idea of going through it again just makes me tired.

I make a point of not thinking about the awfulness of my life... (much of it self-inflicted.) If I did really think about it, I'd probably search out the quickest exit I could find. Recently I revitalized my old yoga practice. It's something I've done on-&-off over the years. I put on some nice music & spend an hour-&-a-half or two hours doing yoga. It has quickly become my anchor. I guess it's sort-of like the old saying: "If you find yourself at the end of your rope, tie a knot & hang on." That's what I'm doing. I pray that you can find a way to tie a knot in your rope too.