Dear M

I'm so scared.... we have 3 or maybe 4 appointments left before you go away for six weeks.

I've been feeling very unstable lately from all the stuff that's come up... I wouldn't have let it out if I felt that I had any control of it, but it looks like I'm not able to control myself that way. It's like the scene in Spirited Away where the old mucky spirit walks in for a bath and the girl pulls on a tiny bit of twig to dislodge it, and instead all this mud and garbage come spilling out and flood the bathhouse. I don't know whether to try and process it all with you before you leave or to just step back and try to rest. And I don't have much time to decide.

And then... the fire. Can we talk more about that? It will be a year ago while you're away. Can we get a plan? I think I might not be ok. You were gone when it happened too. I'm still not 100% cool with that. I know it's dumb.