Thank you all for your words of encouragement and support. Many of you have gone through or are going through this same horror show playing out before me. Believe it or not, from the bottom of my heart, there is great comfort in knowing there are others.

The demands of society for feelings of happiness, contentment, delight are just too much. A time to play dress-up, put on make-up and plaster that god-forsaken smile upon you face. Family gatherings, parties, celebrations and the expectations of those around me that I be happy are too much. Why can’t they see my pain, my agony, my tears, the real me. No I have to put on that mask of pleasure and enjoyment, slip into those high-heel shoes and walk through that door. I can’t do this any more. I'm tired of pretending.

It’s a major effort just to stay alive. Breathe, breathe, in, out, in, out my mind and body are in a constant opposition. I close my eyes and my mind whispers relax, let go. Then with a jolt my lung forces oxygen back into my body. This oppressive weight on my chest, my heart, my soul like carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders the sadness is crushing. Becoming overwhelming, heavier, squeezing tighter, tighter…..…….

This frog of little brain is getting very weary.