You haven't found the right therapist. Don't give up. This is your life we are talking about and it sometimes takes several T's before you find the right one. Find one that can help you, t will be worth it. You seem pretty miserable right now. It will take a lot of work and be hard. Is it worth it to you to commit to that type of work? If not you will be wasting your time. I know...sounds a little harsh but it's true. I had to have that come to Jesus meeting with my self to get serious about therapy. Keep looking.