Me again, ha.

But I was just thinking during a downwards spell, how are we supposed to fight depression? At the moment I feel pretty hopeless about ever beating this beast. I mean...

I'm taking meds (Effexor XR, mirtazapine, Ativan - prn)
I'm in talk therapy
I've taken vitamins and herbal supplements
I've sought help from job and general support services
I walk 30-60 mins nearly every day
I'm eating well (I've had WLS, so I have to eat well)
I try to reach out to friends and family (they never care about what I have to say)
I'm trying to keep my hobbies alive (very difficult, anhedonia is f'd up)

Nothing changes. No matter what I do.

I've tried every medication class except stimulants and nothing has worked. I've been in and out of therapy and applying it to my life for the past two decades, it's never helped. Support services can only do so much to help. The emergency department won't even let me see someone when I'm at rock bottom and unsafe.

I just... Don't have any hope left, I suppose. What's the point of fighting a losing battle? For me, honestly, even hobbies are a chore and unenjoyable. I hate everything, I feel like a burden... I know depression is hard to fight, but I get NO relief from anything I do. Sometimes I wish I could be put down like an old dog, I'm so tired of being tired.

Sure, there's people out there that have beaten their depression, good on them. But that doesn't mean we all will. What if I'm one of those people? Am I destined to feel this way until I die? I kinda figure it's easier to just let it win, honestly.