I wish i could just shake it off .... but it's like it's in my blood or something, no matter how hard i try, i can't get rid of it.

And I don't have a T right now ... i was thinking about getting one, but that would only reinforce my whole messed up cycle would it not? If i got a T, it would only be "proving" to myself that I need one .. right?

I feel like I'm damned if i do, and I'm damned if i don't.