Alanon is not for or about an alcoholic,it's for and about those that are affected by someone else,'s drinking,which you obviously are.It doesn't matter if you believe he is an alcoholic or not,it just matters that his drinking impacts you so much.

Codependency is the same thing really,so maybe CoDa meetings would be helpful then.

I think you would be surprised if you read about either Alanon or Codependency because you would find the way you feel,your behavior,your need to control,are common and typical.

The first step in groups like that is about being powerless over others......