(((((ECHOES)))))

Sounds like you had a session where you didn't connect. Those are so hard.

My T said something to me once, that I find reassuring to remember when we have those times of disconnection. We were talking about Winnicott and his concept of the "good enough mother", which can be extended to other relationships as well, such as the therapeutic relationship, which in some ways is similar to the mother-child relationship. He said that a mother is "good enough" if 1/3 of the time, you connect, 1/3 of the time you don't connect but you repair, and 1/3 of the time you don't connect and don't repair. This is "good enough" to serve the mother role and provide the child with what she needs to grow to be healthy, well-adjusted, etc. In fact, those times of disconnection are important for growing up to be healthy too. The child learns to deal with disconnectedness, to repair it, or to survive when it isn't repaired. The times of connectedness help with this.

Anyway, would it help you to view a disconnected session with your T as just one of those times that you are disconnected, and that's OK, it is fine for your health and the relationship? You can either repair the disconnection/rupture and that will be great, or you will not repair this particular rupture, and that's OK too. It doesn't mean the next time you are together, that you will not experience connectedness again, or that the relationship has ended.

Somehow, I find that theory comforting when I don't connect with my T. I realize it is normal and fine and even healthy.