I can relate to the not wanting to be depressed, but not wanting to be well either. I've struggled with depression most of my life, and it's familiar. It's not happy or comfortable, but it's familiar. Any change, even if it's for the best is hard and scary - but you can take it in little bits. You say you scare people away - that's isolating, can you maybe try to change that a little bit. Letting people into my life was really hard at first, but it's what saved my life. you say you don''t have a T. If you can afford one, or have the insurance, I'd encourage it. They can help you make the changes, a little bit at a time, that will get you unstuck.

Take care, and stay strong.

---splitimage