do any of you think you're fat? unattractive? not as deserving as others? or any other thing like that? something that permeates who you are, that you wish you didn't think, sometimes think it's not true, but you can't stop believing it anyway?

Absolutely! I am my own worst critic. This is likely why and I am currently where I am. Although I demonstrate a lot of confidence at work, when I self evaluate I realize I am doing OK professionally, and even OK in some areas of my personal life. However, I have a real hard time accepting myself. It is like I allow some personal weaknesses to overshadow all my strengths. Even though I know I do this, I can't stop doing it. I'm addicted to self degradation. Unfortunately, my husband has learned my flaws and for whatever reason has choosen to attack me with them too. On the outside I am able to fluff up to look great, but inside I am jello :-)

I can also understand your stress over being indecisive on a major issue and the pressure to commit to act one way or another. I think I am at a point in therapy where I need to decide to I leave or do I stay. The decision seems like it is obvious but for some reason I just can't commit either way. I am stuck like a deer in the headlights-- I simply cannot seem to move one way or the other.

My T like yours has be relaying back what she hears from me. But she is not going to tell me to leave. I would love to have someone step up and say.. LEAVE, you will be much happier alone, your kids will be much happier and healthier. But in all reality this person has got to me! Something is stopping me and I need to figure out what.

Luckily or maybe not so lucky, I do not have a set deadline to decide. The urgency you've mentioned in several posts seems to suggest that this is not the case with you. What I get from your cryptic messages is that you either are in danger or you have some type of deadline that is fast approaching. If this is accurate then I would suggest (based on the posts I've read) that you have thought long and hard on this issue, you are intelligent and not being impulsive, you are not making a rash decision, you internally know what needs to be done. Stop letting your mind continue to create doubt. Go with what you gut is saying and take a leap of faith. Take what ever action necessary, and then TRUST the support system you've created to help you through any fallout.

Feel free to reply to this post with a 'Hey A**hole, mind your own business and try taking your own advice.' I can take it.