Little one wants to play tomorrow but after last week I think I will talk to you first, with the caveat that you make sure that we make time for play too. I want to pit that on you and I want you to make that happen. She will be disappointed if you don't. I often try, and sometimes I succeed, but often I fail and let little one down.

Last week I enjoyed playing with you but when we got round to talking, I just wanted to run away from it all, physically and mentally. That did create some....work?....but I don't remember any of it so it might all have been pointless? Don't know.

Anyway, I have stuff I want to talk about. An awkward position I have been put in where I have been asked to lie to someone, by email, that I don't know, because of bad blood between people. It makes me feel bad. I wonder if we can find a name for that feeling. Frozen to my seat. Ankles hurting from being crossed. Tense muscles in my legs. Arms pinned back and raised. Tense? Is it alert? Ready for something? I don't know, but I think it would be useful to look at this. I think its unfair that I have been asked to do this, but I can't say I wouldn't do it. I did manage to say I would rather someone else did it, but when they told me what to say I just said OK, as long as I could say that it was coming from someone else. It isn't OK though, for me.

And I guess maybe I want to talk about H being home, but not desperately.

Anyway. See you in 9 hours. Guess I should try and get some sleep.