Thank you very much for your kind words.
I really don't have much to add to or suggest about your Herculean efforts as described above. She is lucky to have you. I don't know if you are lucky to have you, you what I mean?! It is hard to care for oneself and also care so intensely for another.
I think it is helpful to keep in mind that behaviors that often seem willful and unhelpful often come from pain. I know you know that, but sometimes it is good to consciously bring that to mind.
I do hope that she will take your new budget to heart.
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Agreed. The extent of our physical contact is extremely minimal. We hold hands and give hugs quite often, but that is it. There is no cuddling in bed or on the couch watching a movie for instance – ever. When I have asked, it is extraordinarily awkward and short-lived. I am interested in the video links you have shared and will watch them when possible. I have no volume on my computer so it'll have to be watched elsewhere but I can manage it – though not today. Thank you for the links.
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One possibility is that the awkwardness arises from the fact that intercourse is not going to happen and so cuddling seems a bit awkward or disappointing. So I am wondering if it could be explicitly understood and agreed that cuddling is the final goal for a given night, and that nothing further is contemplated--and if so, whether that would make cuddling feel more natural and rewarding.
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I wasn't clear in my initial post. I have told her that I would love and welcome a physical relationship with her but I don't think that we are ready at this time.
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Right. I thought that your concern was that she would take it as rejection, even though that is not your intent.
I'm very sorry to learn of the abuse you experienced as a child. It makes sense to me that that experience would affect your reaction to her DID.
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I'm a bit torn at this point because I have supported her through many, many botched attempts to change unhealthy behaviors and there comes a time where she must take responsibility.
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Well another perspective might be that there comes a time to stop trying and acknowledge that things are not going to change, and decide what to do on the basis of that acknowledgement. What is your thinking about that perspective?