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*sigh*

Today, when I logged into my Live Journal and another yahoo group to which I belong, I discovered that an aquaintance had passed away. Sad, yes... but here is what is bothering me... it doesn't matter to me. I didn't even react to the news. The only thing I reacted to was the fact that one of the posts was an email from someone... an ex-friend... who betrayed me in a very bewildering way. I felt a momentary surge of panic and anger at the sight of his name. But then I didn't care. Sometimes being so heavily medicated is disturbing to me, and other times it is a relief. Right now, I am just a little confused. Am I making any sense?

Obsidian

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Hi Obsidian,

What you describe is certainly a feature of depression, and one I have been familiar with. The depressed mind doesn't react with the warmth of emotion that we remember from better times but it's always ready to trigger.

Seeing the name of someone who hurt you is a classic trigger in depression and the mind will flag up a warning as quick as lightning. The depressed mind always seems to focus on itself, maybe it's a defensive reaction.

On a positive note, I think that the fact you are sharing this worry indicates that you are feeling for your friend at some level, even if the feeling is masked by the illness.

Good thoughts to you, Myzen.