turqui, I wish I could hang in there, but there is no one to hold on to. My husband is no longer supporting me emotionally, just financially. We are basically separated, but living together without being formally separated. We are apart from the heart and soul. I feel so alone and isolated from others. At least when I worked last year I had some interaction with my peers. They didn't know what I was going through, but it helped to get some positive feedback on my work etc. Then that all changed and my work sufferred and I stopped being effective at work till I had to quit and file for disability. Now the long wait for the appeal through the court system. No income and total dependency on my husband for everything. I hate that, but I really can't work now and I'm not sure when I would. All I know is that I have one very good friend who does support me and no one else. I don't want to be a burden on her either and lose that close friendship. I worry so much about things like that. How much can I lean on someone before it's too much for them? I even feel embarrassed knowing that I need help from PC forum. From people who don't know me, telling them my story and expect them to care for me and how I'm doing. I feel so much guilt needing others. But that's exactly what I do need and I hate to admit it. Depression is just the name we give to that monster that rears its ugly head and lurks in the shadows for the defenseless people just waiting to pound on them with mounds of endless torture. So bad that one can only wait patiently until he arrives again to do the same. There's no sense to it all and I WANT it to STOP. I can't stand waiting anymore for the crash. I have learned to anticipate it and welcome it like I always do. Crazy uh? What's a person to do?