Hello thunder: I'm sorry I don't think I really have much in the way of advice to offer with regard to this. From the sound of it, your wife has some mental health issues that need professional attention. However it's up to your wife to come to realize she needs professional help & to seek it out. You can't force it on her.

I personally doubt there is much of anything you can do to have a positive effect on this situation. You can try to simply let these things go... just don't worry about who is, or isn't, at fault... whether or not the two of you are "even". But, from what you wrote, it sounds as though your wife is getting herself into some precarious, & possibly even potentially dangerous situations at work. And you developing the ability to simply let your fights go won't do anything to remedy that. Perhaps other members, here on PC, will have some useful suggestions to offer.

I see this is your first post here on PC. So... to PsychCentral… from the Skeezyks! May the time you spend here be of benefit.

PsychCentral is a great place to get information as well as support for mental health issues. The more you post, & reply to other members’ posts, the more a part of the community you will become. Plus there are social groups you can join & chat rooms where you’ll be able to connect with other PC members in real time (once your first 5 posts have been reviewed & approved.) Lots of great stuff! So please keep posting!