Thunder hun, this is a complex situation. Your wife has major issues that need addressing. Ideally with a female therapist, as I can foresee immediate problems if she were to have a male therapist.

It also sounds like you both desperately need marriage counselling. There are to many complicated factors here to muddle through on your own.

All I can say, is remember, you can not change your wife, you can only change yourself and how you choose to respond to her.
Take time to consider what if she never changes?

But also remember this is the person you chose.
Good luck and all the best.