Quote:
Originally Posted by DarknessIsMyFriend
I am overwhelmed and also lonely. It's been hard for me to cope with going to college and trying to find a job and doing all of these other things when it has always been a struggle for me to do things on my own.
Don't judge me for this but I was so desperate for somebody to talk to today that I signed up for a tutoring session with a tutor at my college to work on writing skills and she was a young attractive female and I tried to hit on her and ask her out on a date. Since I am writing an essay about technology and how it influences people's life I was telling her a lot about my past early on like how I had trouble making friends at a young age and was introverted and had a messed up family life so I used computer games and learned how to build computers to escape from my loneliness just to garner sympathy from her without wasting my tutoring time to make her feel bad for me so she would care about me.
I'm having to face just how lonely I am and I traditionally used video games and anime to escape from my pain but I can't do that as often because of school so I have to face how hurt and unhappy that I am and it's hard.
I'm pathetic I know but so be it.
|
It's because it's been so hard for you that you ought to give yourself kudos - it's been hard and you have not had the advantages some have had in life, but you are working out a pathway through this. You sound smart, although (understandably given your upbringing) very hard on yourself.
There is nothing pathetic in what you wrote, and part of what you were doing with your tutor was practicing your social skills.
She will (or should) know about professional boundaries, and young professionals working with other young people this situation is common and completely normal.
The anime/gaming has been a source of comfort and escape for you, again very common, and a lot less harmful than some coping mechanisms (plus it's a fairly social pastime, abeit mostly online). Again this shows you are smart to work this out.
Your building blocks are either in place or getting into place for your next steps. It's all progress, although it might not feel that way at times.