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I need help with this situation so I can rebuild my trust in her and move on. Truly move on.
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First thing I have to respond to is the line I quoted above. my first impulse is to say "whaat?!" You do realize that her earning your trust back is in no way on you and there is NOTHING you can do to change that. the result will be of you being in denial by forcing yourself to forget or ignore her transgressions. Trust broken is not easily repaired and on top of this, especially with one that wants to shirk their responsibilities for being the one to gain the trust of the betrayed one. If she is unwilling, you should not just write off what happened. History will repeat itself, I would bet on that.
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Originally Posted by thunder.sai87
but the day after she confessed i was still a bit upset, for obvious reasons and got in a lil fight. and after the fight she told me that we're even cause i have always broken promises to her. Promises like: the day after a fight, i promise that i will be ok but still not be ok; that i will not hold onto lil things she does to piss me off but do it anyway.
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First off, promises to try and change and failing to do so is far different from outright lying and making a whole narrative or story up of your life that is entirely based on imaginary things. Far different. When you promise to change, that's your intention and when she lies, deceiving you is her intention. Do you see the difference?
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but all of our fights and lil annoyances she has remind me of the one main fight we ALWAYS have... its about the guy from work who harasses her and she always seems to be ok with. which was a lie all along to begin with. I always was reminded of him every time she did those lil annoyances, or fought about her attention towards other men. which is why she confessed cause every time we fight it goes back to him. She told me that her manager warned her about him being known to harass women, when she started working there and she got attracted towards that situation instead of him. so created the lies based on those warning for the sake of self-pity.
Now she wants me to believe that we’re even cause I was never ok with her lies and reacted badly to her lies. And is saying that I should not expect her to make amends with us but instead I should just move and not think about those lies at all.
I dunno wat to think or how to perceive this whole situation. This is my first serious relationship in my life. I really do love my wife who has other GREAT amazing features that I want to inspire and help.
I need help with this situation so I can rebuild my trust in her and move on. Truly move on.
If the story is a bit confusing please ask questions as I am writing this with a lil emotional turmoil. Thank you for your advice in advance!
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you say you don't know how to perceive the situation. I understand you may feel like you're confused but I think your perception is fine, but you're conflicted. You're conflicted because the truth is, she can't be trusted and she's trying to write off her lies and deception without making amends, without taking responsibility and without even asking forgiveness. When you're wronged, in any way it's expected that the other person, if they truly understand they offended and hurt us, they will not only confess, but be repentant and know they need to earn the trust and forgiveness. In your wife what I see is someone that does not want to change, but does have a hint of guilt for things, only not enough to actually make her want to change, unfortunately. She believes that the confession alone is enough and things should go on as business as usual.
But you naturally are unable to trust her without any kind of action on her part. It's understandable
Please, assess this situation. Do not feel responsible for fixing things. it's on her. if she's not willing to face the fact that this is on her, then I'm not sure things will ever get better. Unfortunately that's not something YOU can change, only she can.