yeah...

i do this...

im trying to stop it...

maybe its a learned behavior...

it might have something to do with invalidating our experience with depression...
for me maybe i feel like if i laugh, then maybe im not depressed and i was just making it all up... and that makes me feel like ****... so i deny the happiness... because i dont want to be a liar or manipulator...
but i am trying to teach myself that i am not making anything up...
and that i really do have things that i need to work through and i need to not worry about if i am making anything up or not... to just experience...