Kebs, I wonder what would happen if you just stopped pretending? Let them see your pain and let it be their problem to deal with it. If your not up to maintaining the facade, well, not maintaining it is better than not being.

And if you'd rather be dead than struggle, please go straight to the nearest emergency room. Don't pass go, don't collect two hundred dollars. This is the illness trying to take your life away from you and that requires emergency treatment.

I know, I know, what can they do? Adjust meds, talk, and so on. But hey, you'd get out of the house and could take a break from life for awhile.

Cyran0