And I bet every one of them passes with straight A’s. You would think with all our technology (heart transplants, space shuttles, nuclear warfare) we could figure out a simple thing like painless dentistry.

Upon arriving at your appointment, you escorted to your “room” where there are a variety of contraptions, computers and a multi-arm thing with lights and a tray full instruments (always reminds me of “Little Shop of Horrors” for some reason), lights that go on and off at the wave of a hand, and background music (???) depending on your dentist’s favorite genre.

“We need to take a picture” the tech says with a smile. She obviously is not the one in pain. Then she approaches with this instrument that looks like it should be use for a gynecological exam and shoves (I’m sorry) places it in your mouth. “Give me your finger” are her next words.

Stop right there….I know what you are thinking. It took all the control I could muster to keep from letting out a good belly laugh and asking “which one do you want” in response. After smiling for my pictures the dentist finally arrives.

First she rubs your gums with a surface anesthetic to numb the pain of the needle prick. Ok Then she brings out the big guns, inserts it into you jaw and wiggles it around until your knuckles go white as you grasp the chair while your eyeballs roll skyward. Then she quickly places the needle on the tray and makes a hasty retreat with “I’ll be back in a few minutes when you’re numb”.

Now if you are among those fortunate few whose bottom lip does not begin to drool, they attack again with the “bigger guns” (her words not mine). Mind you, you have been sitting/reclining in that one size fits all “chair” for over 30 minutes. That tooth that has been throbbing for the last 72 hours until the first available appointment has not yet been touched and it is going to take two more appointments to complete the work.

But that’s ok. I gained a lot from my experience. I now have the imprint of a piece of gauze permanently tattooed to the inside of my cheek. I got to play the let’s see how many of these little cotton rolls we can stuff in her mouth before she gags game. Did you know there is no limit to the number of hands or instruments or a combo of both that can fit inside your mouth. And I discovered that if the dentist wants it to my upper lip can reach my eyebrows,

I just love going to the dentist!