Hi Terabithia, thank you for your answers.

mmmh... i dont think my job has anything to do with this because i've worked there only since May and i got there after quitting a very quiet and peaceful job at the library. curiously i ran from it because it was too quiet and i felt abandoned to myself. but the biggest reason is that it wasnt a "real" job and i wanted one with a "real" paycheck. im still in the apprenticeship here, so i still dont earn as a regular job but i hope they'll hire me - after all this commitment and efforts. it is Very demanding. but i think its the only chance for me to become economically independent and get a place on my own (still living with parents). so i cant afford to do "an experiment" unless im really overwhelmed.

i think what im aiming here, with this desire, IS isolation because people - all people - hurt me one way or another. today i gathered up my courage and contacted old friends (i thought since im thinking of them it will be good for them to hear from me) and i got hurt from some people i didnt expect it. so i do think isolation is better for me.....