When she says you are at fault in some way, patiently listen (not over and over again but make sure you make it obvious that you hear the "meat" of what she is saying once). For instance, if she says: "I lied because you were not paying attention to me"--you say, "I am sorry you feel like I was not paying attention to you (but don't agree that you were neglecting her unless you think it is true) but we are just going to have to agree to disagree about that because I have been an attentive husband. I love you and am sorry you are struggling but I am struggling too because I have been lied to. I did not lie to you and your lies really hurt me." Make sure you make it clear that you hear her complaints--sometimes people need to know that they have been heard--even when they are wrong or just have a different POV....Sometimes when we feel heard it makes it easier to see ourselves from the other person's POV. For example, there have been times when I posted something here and when I see the feedback on the thread that comes later, I see the flaws in my thinking in a way that would not be possible without feedback and interaction. Understanding others takes work sometimes.... Once you have really discussed (she should acknowledge your feelings also), just say--"I am sorry you feel that way but I disagree that...." Never "agree" if you do not (unless the topic eventually becomes a "joke" between the two of you and you are being obviously sarcastic but this may be pushing it). She is the one that really crossed a line from what you have described.