Hi new to this section of the forum. I have had a problem with relationships all my life. Self fulfilled prophecy is that I am so afraid they will leave I loose myself in order to make them happy, never trying to get my own needs met. In the end they leave, and my heart would feel like it was being ripped out of my body.

For these reasons I have purposely stayed out of a relationship, or even dating since 1995. Well an old flame got a hold of me about a week or so ago, to say that he is coming to the city for 4 - 6 months, and is arriving this Saturday! We have been texting back and forth, getting to know each other again and a few calls in there too. I am nervous, but I am scared. I know there are rules it will never go past what it will be while he is here.

I am terrified, I have changed, we both have changed in the past 30 years, will he find me attractive still, will my personality be what it was (I have had bipolar, and PTSD from my last live in relationship)

Relationship addiction can be as much of a monkey on your back as drugs and alcohol. I know it stems from my childhood never feeling loved or wanted and doing everything I could to get that love. But I am afraid I will fail again, because I feel like a kid again, all excited butterflies in the stomach. But when he leaves to go back home, I will be alone again and will I go through the withdrawl I have felt so many times in the past, or can I make a clean break with it.

Guess I am just really scared but excited at the same time. Maybe this is what I need to start trusting again.

Thanks for listening