I mentioned in my previous post about the "recent relationship" incident. It's a whirlwind... something.

I met her just randomly. Bumped into her on a job, she had walked to the store.. it was hot outside and I made a comment about some fool letting her walk in this heat. I got that "what are you hitting on me look". Well... yeah. I was but I'm not in no way that upfront about it and I went straight to shy mode. Well I ended up with her number and we texted and went out and well, it's been a month, well less than a month and she hasn't left my side. I mean she has friends. There is more of a backstory there too but suffice it to say she is working on her own stuff.

Well we decided since she moved in so quickly, no sex for a while. Great idea. I liked it. But really quickly for her the cuddling and affection got overwhelming and I ended up moving her in the spare room. She continually did things that triggered my abandonment issues and every time I would try to talk to her she would tell me to just relax, quit overthinking things so much. (My OCD has been extremely active lately). This went on and on and something happened and she said I did something and I reminded her of her ex. I stopped dead. She left (had made plans with friends anyway).

Yesterday we talked. I finally asked her to just sit and talk to me. This wasn't working. I explained my situation and what was going on and she even opened up. And I understood her side, she understands mine. And honestly we are both coming from the same place, just different paths.

I want her around. She brings sooooo much to my life. I almost ran her off with my incessant babbling and overthinking. We right now are in a good place. I know she isn't in a place to "date" but isn't going anywhere. I know she likes me and possibly wants more. I've felt that kiss.

But that was in the beginning.

Now she knows I kinda want the physical (cuddling/affection) and says she doesn't mind me dating.

Is it wrong to not date, knowing that in the end she may not even want me and that I might have to deal with that? I don't want to say I would not date to be hopeful, I'd want to not date to work on me, but I would be lying if I said I wasn't hopeful.

Ok. What does she bring to my life?

I enjoy her conversation. We can talk about anything. And he more we talk, the broader our conversations go. She takes care of me and does things without me even asking... because she wants to. I find myself doing things without thinking. Because I want to. For her. For us.

I asked her what she wanted. She just said she wasn't in a place to be in a relationship but she wasn't going anywhere.

And she knows how much I miss the feeling of her being in my bed.

Do I just co-habitate and continue working on me, and see?

Or take her advice and date while I'm working on myself? I just think it would be disrespectful.