His actions are really causing me distress. I have a hard time dealing with rejection, especially from someone who I was emotionally tied to. He doesn't speak to me and I just hear him complaining about his health and everything, how the world is bad and others nasty. My mother's mother asked him few days ago if he cares about someone and loves anyone "No, I do not. I didn't love my mother, I don't love anyone, don't bother with such emotional ****". And he plans onto leaving for another city to get some part time job. He's been moving out a lot since I was a kid, longest time three years, always with that "I'm so tired of you all and happy to leave you" manner. My mother asked me yesterday why I DON'T TALK to father anymore and I was like "Just because", cause I'm tired of her ignorance. My mother sticks to everyone and gets heavily involved even if that someone treats her or me badly. Same with my grandfather, she runs around him like a dog. Thinks I should be kind and lovely to everyone and never show anger, no matter how they treat me. I'm really angry and upset because of this, such stuff happened in the past already and I only managed to have a good contact with my father and mother for some particular period of time. Last year my father stopped speaking to me too for a few months, then again because I didn't want my dying grandmother placed in my room in my very bed, as they were planning back then, because I felt it was a violation of my privacy and I already have little of it. I didn't want to pay for my grandfathers stupidity, he could easily buy himself a flat that had proper heating (it was winter and they were planning it in case she wouldn't go to the hospital and had to stay at home), I wasn't the one to blame for his self imposed poverty. They said I was a heartless monster and that my opinion doesn't matter anyway and they won't bother about it. I have a hard time dealing with issues that you cannot fix immidiately and here I constantly go on and on again about the topic, changing the narrative in my head, but it just isn't something that can be fixed. And I tend to fixate on such things. My anxiety got much worse lately. I am really angry for having such immature people as parents, for having to deal with the knowledge that I was just a nuisance to them, because my mother didn't bother using contraception and my father only feel trapped by her and this family stuff (they told me this). I see my peers getting support from their families, they are helping them with stepping into adulthood, get emotional and financial help (okay, most doesn't even have to work, but i don't think it's good for them), and here I am with two people who behave like five year olds and my father who used to take money from me or my mother after severe calculations for each kilometer I asked him to drive me somewhere. He criticizes people who send their children to vacations, who go somewhere, make money, so their kids won't have to worry "oh, my parents never thought about having a place to leave, so we're renting, so technically I may have nowhere to stay at in in the future and have to work like crazy so I will maybe afford it after 11 years of saving". They are also not getting any younger, my father has a damaged spine, my mother doesn't care about health and I fear that in a few or more years, I will be in the same place my dad was with his parents. Alone, barely supporting myself as a single working woman, having to also support their living and physically care for them, because I will get no help from the social services, already seen how it works. I'm also thinking about changing the country again, because it's all much harder when you live in mine.
For example, for 11 years we were on a list for a council flat. And we almost got one, even though it was barely a flat: required putting a lot of money into it. Only one room for the three of us, 37 metres square, no bathroom, no kitchen, rotten wooden floor, smelled like hell, the old, doddery wallpaper was curling off the walls. A disaster, but it was possible to make something out of it and we could then buy it for a cheaper price (every normal flat is sold by the city council for a normal price to the private customers and the city gets money from it, just as it happens alongside the country). But just before we were to get it, they checked our income again and it happened that - because I started working year before - the income was like 400 dollars too high so we finally didn't, they told us to wait another few months or few years. So now my father stopped working so we have lower family income and he just sits at home, only checking some no-contract offers. He used to say that if not we, he wouldn't even bother moving out of this ruin my grandfather lives in. I think they really did nothing to prepare a future for me, and I don't want to get into this "I have a tough life and it's my parents fault", but I sometimes have to, due to socioeconomic situation in my country, because people don't just get all self sufficient here, maintaining their living from a single wage. Even if you work like crazy. You either live at home with your parents and divide bills into the number of people in the household, or you get a partner and rent a flat or you are sponsored by your family completely. And there is my father who mentally lives in Disneyland and has his sick expectations such as me buying him a car or making him not having to work anymore, while I don't even have my own. He doesn't appreciate my job, even though he himself has been constantly changing them and even now, being 21, I already stayed at my work for the longer period he has ever at a single position. He once even complained about me not becoming a CEO, manager or anything. Have you ever seen a 21 yo with basic job experience becoming a CEO at a company after 6 months of working there? I don't think so. I have nothing towards a bit of motivating stress, but I really do have tons of issues in my life and what they're getting me is just frustration, because no matter what I do, it will never work. I'm good at managing and solving some temporary issues, but no idea what to do with all of this on an emotional level, since I have an obsessively analitycal mind that is not designed for such stuff or whatever.