Thank you for the information on setting boundaries in your other post! Telling people that I don't want to do something hasn't worked in the past so enacting boundaries with behaviors seems like a more successful way.

Do you always think a life partner is closer than the immediate family? And that it is unhealthy if they are not? He is my boyfriend, not husband, but we have been together for 3 1/2 years which is quite a while at my age. I am having these conversations and thoughts now, before I do make him my husband, or more to see if he should be my husband (as we have discussed marriage after he completes his doctorate program).

I think you are right about the fear of losing me as they have stated that they don't want him to "take me away" from them (mostly this means moving away). The issues they struggle with him I have struggled with myself before speaking up about them so it's not that I am only feeling doubts because of their opinions. I just wish I didn't have their issues with him cloud my thinking.

I want to find some way where they can all coexist. Where I have the right boundaries in place with my family so my boyfriend is willing to be in close proximity to them. Where they don't have conflicts between them. I am not sure if it is even possible at this stage.