I understand your predicament. But heres what I think is part of the key. You try very hard at being a good __________ ok that's all fine and dandy but what does it mean? Seems quite vague. And if this is your typical thinking your brain has nothing to grab onto on what exactly to change.

What is a good son, what is a good husband? What is a good anything? Define this in your mind as to what you know you need to change and focus on thos specific behaviors not just "try to be good"

Better yet, don't just define it in your mind. Communicate with your wife. Find out how she defines your being a good husband. Some things will be hard to live up to at first but some of those things you can work on now. But the thing that is important here is the definition of "good husband" is vastly different between different people, and likely between you and your wife. Many times, what we as men think are things we should be doing, are not the things that the wife or gf is focused on when they evaluate us. Same for wives and gfs trying to be good. Keep in mind my point here is that finding out what SHE wants from you is your answer. Guessing at it will be hit and miss but communicating with her about it is going to be far more successful.

It may seem kind of scary to have this communication but I will tell you the truth, in any situation when we are willing to come to someone, and not be above reproach but willing to admit that we fall short of the expected line, the other person is going to be typically very willing to share with you what they want, not only that the admission of being less than perfect is always something that helps to make the other person realize you're only human and be more forgiving.

Give it a shot.