Dear Dr. S,

You know, I hate you! (said with all the passion, reason, and attitude of a 13 yr old)

I don't want to talk to you. You'll make it better. I don't want it to be better. I want to be mad at you. I got hurt. You said sorry, I don't feel like you get it.

You keep talking to me as if I'm an adult, but these feelings are not one of being an adult. My adult can say the things you say, can rationalize, explain, justify... and yet the feeling still persist. The mad, the hurt, the desire to isolate and protect - and something else is there, I don't know what it is. I don't think it is disappointment.

I am also scared of the changes to come. I don't want them, not right now - I'll be lost, forgotten in the mix. I'll accommodate whatever is needed without saying a word and everyone will think I am ok inside. I'm not!! I'm not ok with this. I need help. It is going to happen and I am powerless to do anything about it. I want to walk away - that is the only power I have here.

Talk to me like I am 4-5, 12-13, help me understand these feelings at that level because both of them need help in processing and understanding what is inside. The adult just knows they are coming from those places and should not be acted upon; therefore, holds things as tightly as possible and as long as possible.

Please help,
me