Sorry to hear you are having a rough time. I also had thought that getting SSD would hurt my chance to work again.

I am on SSD, fortunately I have insurance from my co.
that downsized. SSD told me, medicare insurance will
start after 2 years.

At this point, the way my life has been, I can't see myself
working in the near future. One good thing about SSD is that they help you find a job. There are programs for
the disabled to help you find a job

Best of luck.