So yesterday at work was talking to a coworker who had depression and anxiety in her past and was able to overcome it. She emphasizes dbt. I told her I "ambiened texted" a friend and was talking nonsense. I told her I took the ambien at 7ish pm. She told me that's not healthy and need to work out whatever issue I had with not wanting to stay awake.

I have been sporadically taking ambien the past month and half at a moderate use. I think I went through 20-25 pills. There have been times I took it at 7 cause I didn't want to think about my failures, regret, suicide attempt (tried on ambien and painkillers), and being hopeless. I guess I do agree with the fact I self medicate with it and have taken it recreationally.

One of the issues, which I have posted several times, is I stay in bed and usually don't do anything. I guess also add boredom, and I hate to say it, abuse ambien. I do need it for periodic shift work as sometimes I get home early at 2 pm and then have to go in for a midnight to 6 pm shift. So I don't want to get rid of them but to be honest I probably should of only used maybe 10 pills max from past two months.

What do I do? How do I get more active at home and live? Why can't I get out of bed?