Quote:
Originally Posted by Rose76
It seems to me that you're making this seem a lot trickier than it is. A life partner may not be a husband, but, of course, I'm referring to someone who is more than a roommate. There probably are people who place their relationship with some blood relative higher than their relationship with the lover they live with. That's not my idea of being in love with someone I seriously might spend my life with.
It sounds as if you would like your boyfriend and your family to all work things out among themselves so that you have no friction to deal with. That's not going to happen.
What issues does your family have with your bf that they are "struggling with?" If it's about him raising his voice angrily at you, that's not your sister's issue. It's not your mom's issue. It's your issue. If he speaks in an angry voice at your mom or sister, then that would be an issue for them. If they are saying that they have an issue with how he treats you, then you need to explain that you will be the one to worry about that - not them. They don't get to decide what you will, or won't put up with. You decide that. My parents used to have a saying, "It doesn't matter if we like your boyfriend/husband. We don't have to live with him. You do."
Maybe your bf has an anger issue that would make your life miserable. I don't know. I never met him. And I don't know you. His basic personality is probably never going to change. Ask yourself this: "If my mom and sister vanished from planet earh tomorrow, how would I feel about staying with this man?" You don't need to justify your decision to your family . . . only to you.
So what kind of men are Mom and Sis with? Are they each in wonderful relationships with flawless partners?
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I think there will always be friction. I know I have to be the one to do something different since it is
my family and
my boyfriend. If it wasn't for me they would be nothing to each other. I just have no idea what to do. Trying to create boundaries always resulted in me being treated like I am a child who is incapable of knowing better because I am "just too young". I know the first step would be enforcing a healthier relationship with my family.
Their issue is with how he treats me. It's his temper and small personality traits they don't like. My boyfriend does not have an issue with my mom since he understand why she was upset when he raised his voice and she said she'll accept him as long as I'm happy. His issue is with my sister. He thinks she's a bad person and he doesn't want to spend time with toxic people. She thinks he's a bad person. I don't even know where to begin in mending that one.
If I'm honest I doubted our relationship before my family even met him. There is that part of me that can't imagine life without him or life with anyone else. And there is the part of me that wonders if he is the right one for me. I don't think the "if he is the right one you'll know" bit applies to me because I have never
not doubted a single thing, person, or choice in my whole life.
My mom and sis are not in perfect relationships. My sisters boyfriend seems to treat her well but when he drinks socially he doesn't know when to stop. He has drank to the point of putting himself in danger, vomiting, and even peeing himself. Addiction runs in his family and she worries he may end up on that path. I have never ever told her I think she should leave him- that's not my place.
My mom is still with my dad and their marriage is difficult- my dad has mental Heath issues he refuses to seek help for, drinks daily, is disrespectful to my
Mom, and they have trust issues between them. She does not want me to be unhappy because I think she knows deep down that she's not. I can't blame her for this.
I just want to say thank you for continuing to bear with me through so many posts and replies! It's really nice to talk this stuff through with a third party.