Wondering how you are doing.

And thought I would share that I have been IP twice (within one month-it was a bad month). I went to a trauma unit that was quite a distance away because my pdoc thought I needed the special treatment. While there, I was diagnosed with DID (which pdoc was pretty much thinking). Like another poster, I cried a lot the first day. I couldn't believe that I was actually there, IP. My mom had a couple of hospital stays and I didn't want to be like her.

But the staff there were kind, I learned a lot, the groups ranged from somewhat boring to quite interesting, the fellow patients were very helpful and understanding. And I was safe. It was such a relief to be somewhere safe and to not have to fight the impulse for suicide. The part that was most determined to do so had a chance to breathe and step back and that was very helpful. Other parts were able to take focus off controlling that part and focus on getting the system to stop going in every which direction and fragmenting and switching and losing time. It was also helpful to spend time with others with dissociative disorders. I had never met anyone with one and listening to them describe their stuff was quite helpful.

There were some things that triggered me, but I was at a pretty trigger-y state. Probably I was triggered less there than I was being outside.

The whole unit was voluntary. It was locked, but if you wanted to leave, you just had to say that you were not suicidal, sign some stuff, and wait for them to check you out. They didn't exactly hurry to discharge people-it took a couple of hours for the one that I know of. But if you could look them in the eye and say you were not going to hurt yourself, they would not stop you leaving.

I hope that the intensive care you have been receiving the last couple of weeks has helped. If not, the hospital is not a bad choice. I think you will feel physically safe and that it will allow your system to settle down and regroup.