TLDR below


I'm nearing university and sometimes I feel unfortunate I have to learn at a university near home, since it means I either stay at home or rent a dorm/apartment for a very expensive price since we live in a central city.

There's another university somewhere afar from where I live where renting a dorm is cheap, however the disadvantages are the dorms are guaranteed for only a year so you have to get along on your own afterwards; and the fact that university is more competitive.

My goals in life are still a little uncertain, but I think of working in a field of Mathematics/statistics and working on my music as either a hobby or career.

Whenever I am home, I feel pulled to the ground. My parents have controlling patterns such as discouragement of negative emotions (one-sided), my father manipulates a discussion to transmit a hidden controlling message (for instance, I talked to him about that same competitive university I mentioned, he told me he didn't go there not because he wanted to run away from his own parents, but because the 1# (mentioned) university had a similar major as the 2nd one had. Took me time of brooding to suspect he manipulated the story, since I remember he told me about that story once, saying he really wanted to study at that far university and told me his parents didn't let him go there since they wanted him to stay close to them).

My therapist is too patient with the subject, as my time is crucial as I need to make a last resort decision before the new year.

TLDR: Main point - I don't know how am I gonna figure this out...
On one hand, I feel a toxicity in the family. On the other hand, I'm thinking of self-idealization life with music and math. On the third hand, something feels bad about home. I get often irritated from my parents on one hand but on the other hand they're valuable resources such as food and money. Yep, I use them mostly for materialistic needs, since this is what they've mostly given from themselves. Emotional energies are their weakness.

Please help me figure this out if you can.
I just don't want to feel this bitter and pulled-down anymore... I think my father is somehow doing this and I don't know how or why...