I didn't have a session this week with T, but I did see him two days in a row, at the two legal meetings, the first times I have seen him outside of the therapy context and his office (except for the time we took a brief walk and 3 block drive in his car together, which hardly counts). It was nice to have him there with me. He dressed up for the second meeting, the big one, and wore a tie.

I realized as I sat there in the meetings that T is also seeing me for the first time in a different context. And I was kind of "different." In a group situation, I can tend to crack jokes and make a lot of spontaneous quips (I like to make people laugh and it relieves the tension). In therapy alone with T, I tend to be serious and sincere. You know, we are dealing with painful and hard stuff in therapy, and I am crying or grieving or angry or all of that, so not much room for jokes from me, although I appreciate when he makes them. Also, maybe my joking in groups is a bit of a performance and I don't have to perform with T. I'm not sure, but I just think it is interesting I realized the difference in how I act with him in therapy and outside. A couple of times when I made a joke, T said to me, "that was really funny!" as if he were a bit surprised. I found T to act pretty much the same in therapy and out (although we kept our emotional distance more, as was appropriate), so I guess that means he is more authentic than I am. Sigh. Always something to work on.

I think it can be a helpful thing to see your T outside of therapy. He can learn more about you by seeing you in action relating to other people. Maybe that is why some T's want their clients to join their group therapy groups.

There was one thing that was a bit uncomfortable regarding T during the meeting, and that was that I was asked to explain why insurance wasn't covering my and my daughter's therapy. I explained that my insurance company didn't like T's credential and so wouldn't reimburse for his services. Later I thought well maybe that made him sound incompetent or something, like he isn't qualified to practice therapy. That's not what I meant at all. It is just stupid insurance red tape and regulations. I will have to explain to him what I meant when I see him. I don't want him thinking I meant to diss him in front of the rest of the people at the meeting.

I emailed T today to set up an appointment for next week. I am getting better about emailing him about my needs, same in person. It just doesn't seem as hard as it used to be. So we are set for a session next week, then he is away for the next two weeks. It'll be hard, but I'll survive.