the sad dark truth in life is that nothing stays the same.. i am sorry so much changed so drastically for you. It's unfair and it must hurt like hell. You sound so very sad. i truly am sorry. You know, i read a theory recently that said that we dont really ever have happy periods in life that last very long, instead we have moments of happiness that either add up to a pleasant time frame or not. So, in each day there will be moments of happiness as simple perhaps as thinking your morning coffee is good and it brings a smile. In the end all we have are the moments of happiness, it's all we have in our grasp.. the past is gone and the future isn't ours yet.

i hope you find moments of happiness... seek them out in small things. Hoard them.

be gentle with yourself