{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Heidu}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

<sigh> nothing on here that I posted upset my T. You are very correct about "although she trusts and feels comfortable around him she will fight with everything she has to resist him and his help. "

My visit with him was so sad, so depressing. I wanted so much to jump up and down and say HELP ME PLEASE but I can't. It seems that my extreme depression and resistance to him has him pulling back and thinking that we have nothing to talk about anymore.

I want to go there and tell him to stop me, to change my meds, to DO SOMETHING because he is the only one who can - but those words will never come out of my mouth. I know he's not a mind reader and that I am not very open to believing what he says about me and my "value".

But after 2 years, he knows me better than my own husband does........if he is giving up, that simply reinforces my own sense of worthlessness. He is the only one that can really reach me and I don't feel like he believes it is possible to help me anymore.

I can't keep going every week to see him and getting more depressed. Better I stay away, stay "efficient and unemotional" because I may look fine, but inside one touch and I will shatter into a million pieces.

This is the worst that I have ever felt - the absolute lowest. My back surgeon has put me on a diff med for the nerves in my leg - neurontin, 3 times a day. It's making me so sleepy.

You are very intuitive Heidu, ty for understanding and caring.

Mary Alice