Haven't posted here In awhile cuz I have no good news. Last week the cops were called again after a BP episode from drinking. They laughed at me and left after asking why my house was ransacked. I laughed right back and said "cuz it's my house and I'll do what I want". [trigger]... that night after my bf left for me being a mess, I self harmed. The cops looked at it and I signed papers refusing help. It wasn't anything life threatening but as a officer and seeing a girl damage herself with alcohol and razors I don't see how the eff they just walked out. Usually I'd be hauled off, strapped down, and left in IP.

I'm still drinking. I told my T that I don't want to abstain but I just want to learn to moderate myself and not get so self destructive. She explained to me that addicts can't have "just a few". And she's right. But I don't know my life without it. Sorry this was more of a rant.