That certainly sounds like depression. You have an inner voice that is telling you lies. That's what depression does. Believe me, I'm well-aquainted with that inner demon.

Your plan failed. That's the reality, but that doesn't dictate that you are a failure who'll never amount to anything. The inner demon takes a specific truth and blows it up into a big lie. Hears a truth worth holding on to: "He who makes no mistakes does nothing." You tried something that didn't work out. It's awfully disappointing. But it's not true that you could only be happy in life having your business succeed. That's another big lie from the inner demon. It's never true that there is only one way for a person to be happy.

You have to make yourself walk a different path. Either you need to rework your approach to being in business, or you need to accept working in someone else's business. You can even do both. It's not true that, "I could never be happy working for someone else." That's the demon at it again.

Depression slows us to a crawl. But, even if you only get one small thing accomplished each day toward getting yourself an income, that's progress. Sometimes we have to "inch" our way forward. Open your mind to looking at a wider array of options.

Some opportunity out there that you now think is the last thing on earth you would want to do can possibly be a doorway into a way forward that you will like way better than you can now imagine.

You have your sweetheart, a roof over your head and I suspect you are still quite young. You have a kind of persistance. That makes you grieve at seeing a dream collapse. Normal. But that same persistance can save you. Channel it into "I'll be darned if I'm going to believe my life is hopeless because a plan I was following went off the rails."

As your screen name reveals, you've got an anger issue. Angry people tend to feel that life has been unfair to them. Well, you're right: Life is unfair. But it's just not true that, unless life is fair, you will never have any satisfying experiences. You've learned a hard lesson: "Just because I really want something and work towards getting it, there is no guarantee I'll get it." You need to let go of the plan that didn't deliver. You are fully capable of coming up with an alternative plan, or two, or three. Embrace your capacities. You can plot a new course.