I was on medication up until recently. It certainly did a great job at numbing me out. But had big memory problems and lack of motivation to do anything. I decided to try without it. A week later I spent a whole day crying, literally. In some ways, it was nice to actually feel after so long and I wasn't too bothered by it.

But this week that overwhelming anxiety is back, which takes me to dark places.

This morning, it was overwhelming and I took some beta blockers to try and control it.

I do have faith, that if I continue to work with my T, one day I will beat these symptoms. But I wonder if life is actually long enough to achieve that?

So my dilemma is whether I carry on as I am, mostly feeling overwhelmed and struggling each day, or whether I go back to the meds and just numb myself out forever.

I hate these feelings, but hate being like a zombie too.